Psalm 140:5
when your friends make your head explode
The just shall correct me in mercy, and shall reprove me: but let not the oil of the sinner fatten my head. For my prayer also shall still be against the things with which they are well pleased: (Psalm 140:5 DR)
Of all people in human history, those of us alive today probably have the most “friends.” I am required to place that term in scare quotes, of course, because the nature of our current world is such that a large percentage of our “friends” are not actually friends, oftentimes people we have never met face to face. That doesn’t mean we cannot have a relationship of some sorts with them, but we have devalued the word so much that it now practically means nothing.
This would be regrettable in an of itself, but since social media creates the conditions of so many “friends,” it also mediates how those friendships exist. We like to imagine we have all the agency in the relationship, but in reality much of our online relationships are massaged by algorithms that intentionally connect us with certain kinds of people. This creates a vicious feedback loop in which we are algorithmically incentivized to seek out others who affirm our every thought and be opposed to those who don’t, and every Pavlovian response on our part reinforces the behavior and fine-tunes the algorithm. Flattery in older times used to at least be somewhat expensive for the one being flattered, but times have changed because now both the flatteree and the flatterer are identical products in the same matrix.
Most of us don’t seek out conflict naturally, and this is true in our friendships. All things being equal it’s generally best when there’s a level of peace and equilibrium between friends. However, Original Sin ensures that all things are never equal, and thus conflict is inevitable. Sometimes even necessary.
After all, as the Psalmist notes, a just friend who is merciful will correct him when he requires it. We all have our faults and flaws and blind spots, and true friends will mercifully make these known to us. A friend who is unwilling to ever do so is not actually a friend since they would by virtue of that willingness not possess mercy nor desire the other’s good.
The Psalmist understands the danger of an affirming feedback loop; he determines to not the let the oil of the sinner “fatten his head.” This is an equivalent expression to our “don’t get a big head.” When we get flattered or praised unjustly or without the willingness to also confront us when in error, we might feel good about what the other person is sayin, but we are not having good done to us. A great evil, in fact, comes from flattery, as our heads swell with pride and we do not ever see the flaws which might harm us or the faults which may hinder or trip us up down the way. The flatterer is looking for the easy win in the here and now, whereas the friend recognizes that the good of the other is not just in how they feel right now but about how they can grow in virtue, self-discipline, etc., in the future.
The Psalmist cryptically holds his prayers against “the things with which they are well pleased,” which St. Bellarmine says is a fairly obscure passage. But following St. Chrysostom the meaning seems to be:
I will not only shut off all communication with the wicked, but, furthermore, “my prayer shall be against the things with which they are well pleased;” against the crimes and the vices in which they revel, which will be very transitory… (St. Robert Bellarmine, A Commentary on the Book of the Psalms, 140, 5.)
There is an important truth here, in that a friend who flatters is not doing one a harm unintentionally, but with actual malice. The reason for this lies in their love of the evil things they do, and thus they will not confront a “friend” on those same things lest the condemnation reflect on to them as well. They would rather see a “friend” continue in error so that they don’t have to confront their own errors, even if it means their head gets so big that it eventually explodes, so to speak. This is why it is so dangerous to surround oneself with only people who will affirm everything one says or does; they are not concerned with one’s good but with by proxy affirming their own desires. This is why we should reject flattery in all forms, for the one who flatters is really trying to make the one he flatters into a mirror.
The antidote is to find true friends who will be merciful and just enough to confront errors when necessary and faults when exposed. Confrontation in and of itself is not a tone and thus will take many forms, but in any relationship where each person desires the other’s good it must be present. As the Proverbs says:
Better are the wounds of a friend, than the deceitful kisses of an enemy. (Proverbs 27:6 DR)
In our world this will necessitate far fewer “friends,” which all things considered is not a bad thing. A couple days off of social media will make it plainly evident how many friends one truly has.
This animation was kind of fun. I suppose I went literal with it in terms of the imagery employed. I cut out all the different pieces in Photoshop and brought them into After Effects. I then just animated the various items as needed, scaling up the head as the oil drops onto it.
I ended by spitting the main head precomp into several pieces by means of masks and had them blow apart like there was an explosion.
Enjoy.
The just shall correct me in mercy, and shall reprove me: but let not the oil of the sinner fatten my head. For my prayer also shall still be against the things with which they are well pleased:
(Psalm 140:5 DR)
View a higher quality version of this gif here: