Psalm 38:6
remembering the days of old
Behold thou hast made my days measurable: and my substance is as nothing before thee. And indeed all things are vanity: every man living. (Psalm 38:6 DR)
As the Psalmist continues his meditation upon the days of his life, he recognizes the frailty of his existence by the very fact that they are “measurable.” For something that can be circumscribed is by definition finite, and in the human mind the smaller the number the less value we tend to ascribe to it, especially if we desire more of it. We can conceptualize an infinitely expanding number, but that doesn’t mean we can get our minds around it. Even relatively small numbers prove difficult for us to grasp in the concrete. A million is conceptually effortless to conceive, but it is difficult to conceptualize a million actual things. We start to get hazy in our thoughts at such numbers.
When it comes to our lifespan it is even shorter, and the common human experience places the years in their easy-to-grasp shortness:
The days of our years in them are threescore and ten years. But if in the strong they be fourscore years: and what is more of them is labour and sorrow. (Psalm 89:10 DR)
St. Augustine’s Latin version renders “measurable” as “old,” which is looking at the years from the end of the measurement rather than from the beginning. That is, he speaks as if they have already passed and grown “old” rather than as if he is beginning to measure them and they still stretch before him. But either way speaks to the same reality and point to the desire for something beyond them:
“Behold, you have made my days old” [Psalm 38:5]. For these days are “waxing old.” I long for new days “that never shall wax old,” that I may say, “Old things have passed away; behold, things have become new.” [2 Corinthians 5:17] Already new in hope; then in reality. For though, in hope and in faith, made new already, how much do we even now do after our old nature! For we are not so completely “clothed upon” with Christ, as not to bear about with us anything derived from Adam. Observe that Adam is “waxing old” within us, and Christ is being “renewed” in us. “Though our outward man is perishing, yet is our inward man being renewed day by day.” [2 Corinthians 4:16] (St. Augustine, Exposition on the Psalms, 38, 9.)
For him the physical experience of ageing and “waxing old” is concomitant with the the spiritual reality of the struggle of the flesh against the spirit, the process of sanctification whereby we put of the old Adam and put on Christ. If we seek after righteousness we put on the “new man” whereas if we persist in sin we remain with Adam in the futility of those “old” days:
Therefore, while we fix our thoughts on sin, on mortality, on time, that is hastening by, on sorrow, and toil, and labour, on stages of life following each other in succession, and continuing not, passing on insensibly from infancy even to old age; while, I say, we fix our eyes on these things, let us see here “the old man,” the day that is “waxing old;” the Song that is out of date; the Old Testament; when however we turn to the inner man, to those things that are to be renewed in place of these which are to be changed, let us find the “new man,” the “new day,” the “new song,” the New Testament; and that “newness,” let us so love, as to have no fears of its waxing old. (ibid.)
It is the easily measureable-ness of this lifespan that can cause us to despair of their value, especially as we conceive the measureless-ness of eternity. In comparison to that and to God the shortness of our days calls into question the solidity of our very existence, which becomes as “nothing:”
What signifies the shortness of my days, when “my substance,” my very essence, my existence, is nothing in thy presence. It may be something in the sight of man, who sees the present only, but “before thee,” who beholdest the future, who seest eternity that hath no bounds, it is absolutely nothing. For, what are a few years, that glide away so quickly, compared to boundless eternity? (St. Robert Bellarmine, A Commentary on the Book of the Psalms, 38, 5.)
This can indeed lead into the ruin of despair, but can also be a prompting to humility, as it is for the Psalmist. For while he recognizes the futility of his years and their vanity, he also sees that this vanity exists in himself and in the transitory nature of this world. Therefore he cannot place his hope in the years that he himself can measure and of which too many have already grown “old.” The days that are measurable and spent are, as St. Augustine says, “derived from Adam,” and cannot be the cause of our trust or efforts. For if we spend ourselves in seeking after the things of this world, we will becomes as “spent” as the years and the days which pass on by and are gone forever. Instead, the righteous man who has a proper conception of himself before God will seek after Christ who never changes and the days which never grow old:
This man, therefore, who is hasting forward to those things which are new, and “reaching forward to those things which are before,” says, “Lord, make me to know mine end, and the number of my days,” which really is, “that I may know what is wanting unto me.” See he still drags with him Adam; and even so he is hasting unto Christ. “Behold,” says he, “you have made my days old.” It is those days that are derived from Adam, those days, I say, that you have made old. They are waxing old day by day: and so waxing old, as to be at some day or other consumed also. “And my substance is as nothing before You.” “Before You, O Lord, my substance is as nothing.” “Before You;” who see this; and I too, when I see it, see it only when “before You.” (St. Augustine, Exposition on the Psalms, 38, 9.)
It is thus only when we come before God in humility that that we can gain a proper apprehension of the finitude of our existence that neither props itself up falsely in pride nor falls into the slough of nihilism and despair. In this state of complete trust and abandonment before God the Psalmist now brings everything into its proper perspective: All things are vanity, and all men living. In themselves they are as nothing before God, and this is actually a cause for rejoicing. For things which are contingent only exist when kept in existence by something extrinsic to themselves. The very fact that contingent things exist thus demonstrates that God wills them to exist and is solicitous for their good:
For thou lovest all things that are, and hatest none of the things which thou hast made: for thou didst not appoint, or make any thing hating it. And how could any thing endure, if thou wouldst not? or be preserved, if not called by thee. But thou sparest all: because they are thine, O Lord, who lovest souls. (Wisdom 11:25-27 DR)
It is in this truth that the Psalmist comes to repose, and is the way in which he begins to leave behind the “old days” to reach for those which never end:
“But, verily, every man living is altogether vanity.” “But, verily.” For what was he saying above? Behold, I have already “leaped beyond” all mortal things, and despised things below, have trampled under foot the things of earth, have soared upwards to the delights of the law of the Lord, I have been afloat in the dispensation of the Lord, have yearned for that “End” which Itself is to know no end, have yearned for the number of my days that truly “is,” because the number of days like these has no real being. Behold, I am already such a one as this; I have already overleaped so much; I am longing for those things which abide. (St. Augustine, Exposition on the Psalms, 38, 10.)
In this animation I wanted to lean into the notion of fragility and oldness and such. I found this nice image of a wilted pressed flower and cut it out in Photoshop and brought it into After Effects. I precomped it and then drew some masks and applied a couple instances of loopFlow to it to give the sense of the flower decaying. I also added in some colored boxes and set the Blend Mode to Exclusion to get a sort-of photo negative effect to make it a little more unsettling. I also added in some overlay images and set them to Exclusion as well to wash out the whole thing a bit. I kept the text thin and difficult to read mostly to fit the vibe, but also because I was in a hurry.
Enjoy.
Behold thou hast made my days measurable: and my substance is as nothing before thee. And indeed all things are vanity: every man living.
(Psalm 38:6 DR)
View a higher quality version of this gif here: